There are many new situations when we want to be sure that we have made the most favourable impression on the new interlocutor. How, without losing yourself, to form a positive image in the eyes of our counterpart?
Don’t try to be someone you are not. This applies not only to false information, distorting the actual state of affairs but also to attempts to seem more straightforward and more cheerful – the interlocutor usually considers such deliberation as insincerity. “Just because joking isn’t your forte, it doesn’t mean you’ll make the worst impression,” says psychotherapist Carlin Flora. – Don’t betray your nature – your introverted qualities compensate for what you think you might be missing. This is attentiveness to the interlocutor, the ability to listen and understand. ”
Just try to follow the speech – nervousness sometimes makes us speak faster, which immediately betrays anxiety and uncertainty, leaving not the best impression.
“However, the advice to ‘be yourself’ should not always be taken literally,” adds Carlin Flora. – So, for example, you should never show your gloomy mood. After all, it spreads like an infection – your interlocutor, in turn, will feel uncomfortable. ”
PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF
Concentrate on yourself and your feelings shortly before your first meeting with someone new to you. This can be any way closest to you that helps you meet your inner self and feel balance: a short meditation, prayer, or just remembering a moment when you felt especially happy or very calm.
“Such visual images that we conjure up in our imagination set us up for a wave of openness and trust in the world, give us confidence. People, as a rule, feel this feeling of inner balance in the interlocutor and involuntarily begin to feel sympathy for him as a harmonious person,” says Thomas Plaint, professor of psychology and psychiatry at Santa Clara University.
LANGUAGE OF THE BODY
People do not have to read psychological advice to recognise the interlocutor’s state in gestures and facial expressions – they often feel it subconsciously.
Much more confidence will be gained by a person who, when talking, looks into the eyes and does not constantly look away. This immediately becomes a tacit expression of interest and trust in a partner. However, you communicate that you would like to keep your distance if you take certain positions.
“It’s worth considering the position of your arms and hands,” says Thomas Plaint. – Arms crossed on your chest immediately betray your unwillingness to approach. This is the worst hand position when first meeting. One hand is on the chest, while the palm clasps the other hand – the so-called incomplete barrier – a less demonstrative pose, which, however, also speaks of the desire to isolate oneself from the interlocutor and the inability to trust him. It is best if your gaze is directed over the shoulder of the other person.
It is also worth trying to get rid of the habit of clenching your hands. One of the gestures that express the openness of a partner is just open hands. After all, when a child deceives or hides something, he puts his hands behind his back. An adult in this situation usually hides his hands in his pockets or interlaces his fingers. ”
It is also essential to maintain distance. You should not sit too far from the interlocutor if you are sitting at a typical table.
The exact distance between communicants can show how much they want to contact each other. Getting closer to you indicates that the person wants to be emotionally closer. However, one should consider that people have an “intimate zone”,
The invasion of which may cause discomfort. Therefore, you should not be too close to the interlocutor’s face, and if you did not hear something due to loud music or extraneous sounds, bend over to avoid eye contact. It is best if your gaze is directed over the shoulder of the other person.
CLOTHES greet them
According to which our clothes still greet us in the well-known proverb – that is, the external and expressive manifestation of our “I” – there is a deep psychological meaning. Research confirms this popular wisdom.
It is worth carefully considering your appearance and in the case when you do not know your counterpart very well, at the first meeting, both professional and romantic, to observe a specific golden mean. And if you are usually a fan of experimenting with the image, then for this case, it is better to stop at the sharpest and natural appearance.
DON’T BE A NARCISSIST
If before meeting a person, it is essential to devote at least five minutes to address your inner self and focus on the interlocutor and his interests during the meeting. And if he tells you something with passion and wants to immediately share a story with him on this topic in response, do not rush.
Yes, we sometimes passionately want to tell about ourselves. We think it will add intimacy to the relationship, but it is not. This can be perceived as that you devalue the story of the other person.
“We should always pay attention to how the person is feeling at the moment,” says Carlin Flora. “And if he is determined to say something, then the best thing you can do is not to interrupt him with your story, to support the story and not to transfer the topic to yourself.”
Even though the first impression is, of course, very strong, do not be afraid to correct the situation if you made a mistake. For example, you came to a party in an agitated state because of what happened on the way (you were upset by an unexpected call, you damaged your car) and, because of this, almost ignored the people to whom you were introduced. Having calmed down a little, you saw a person you like, but do not dare to approach him again.
“Do not be afraid to melt the ice; the main thing is to show that you understand everything and regret such a bad start,” says Carlin Flora. – It is best to honestly explain (if possible with ease and humour, without going into details unnecessary for the interlocutor) what happened to you. And after that, turn the conversation to another topic. ”
“How you break up is equally, and often more important,” says Thomas Plaint. – Our impression of a person is formed not only from the first signals that we read when we meet but also from those that we receive when we say goodbye. It is they who fix or modify the image created by the imagination. “