What cheating teaches us and how it can change our lives for the better

Anna and Alexey
They have been together for five years. They often argued among themselves and had many complaints against each other. Their sex life left much to be desired, but they stayed together and flew from quarrel to reconciliation despite all these factors.
At work, Alexei had a new colleague, and thanks to communication with her, Alexey realized that he wanted to change his life. He firmly decided that he would leave Anna and informed her about it.

Anna took the news exceptionally painfully and asked him to go to a psychologist together to discuss what was happening in a civilized manner. Internally, Anna hoped that the psychologist would help them see a new path, but at this meeting, Aleksey became even more firmly established in the feeling that he did not want to be with Anna. After that, each of them began their own life.

Alexei with that colleague, did not have closeness, but since his relationship with Anna was bursting at the seams, the union fell apart from a simple coincidence.
The loss of time could have been avoided if Alexey and Anna would boldly look at what was happening in their pair. Alexei quickly found ground under his feet, but Anna needed psychotherapy to recover, which may indicate her instability.

In Anna and Alexei’s story, there was only a hint of treason, but even that was enough to “shake” the seemingly stable couple. And this case also clearly demonstrates that a break can lead to the “flowering” of one of the partners. At the same recent time, it is essential to help someone who does not see the apparent benefits from the current situation: to help him cope with a critical state and get out of the problem with acquisitions.

It happens that the one who cheated takes a privileged position about the partner: he closes, leaves the discussion, does not want to take part in conversations. But the injured party does not always behave correctly – the offended partner can react irrationally, press, manipulate his condition.

While both parties’ behaviour is easy to understand, it is incredibly new essential to maintain new respect for each other and not neglect the partner’s requests. Someone needs to talk over what happened, and someone needs to isolate for a while and silently think about the situation.

Respecting boundaries and respecting each other’s needs will make it easier for you to get out of a complicated story. An extreme situation (and betrayal is precisely that) highlights all the main characteristics of a couple and each person in it. Looking at how a person behaves in difficultly tolerated conditions, at the limit of his strength, one can judge his psychological maturity and personal stability.

The exact format of discussing the problem may open your eyes to your partner because cheating is the very notorious test of a couple “in grief and joy”. If your partner is misbehaving, is this your party? And if yours, isn’t the bar low? Is it worth staying with someone who showed himself not on the best side on the sinking ship?

The opposite situation is also possible: if a partner has enough endurance, inner strength to behave with dignity and he can be trusted in the most challenging conditions, shouldn’t he be given a chance?

Lida and Ilya
In a pair of Lida and Ilya, a third appeared – Ilya began to date another girl. For Lida, this was a big blow since she dreamed of a family with Ilya. However, armed with a psychologist’s help, Lida did her best to take a critical look at the situation. Having recognized Ilya’s human right to be not with her, she realized that she was using him for her purposes (to get married) and constantly pressed him with this question.

Lida realized that she stifled the joy of their life together with control. Moreover, Lida realized the failure of her dream and realized that her family is just a way to please her parents.
Lida did not put pressure on Ilya but only made him understand that she understands her contribution to this betrayal and admits that Ilya is not the only culprit. Lida’s stamina and courage struck Ilya, and they agreed to give their couple a second chance.

At first, they parted to be apart, but after a few months, they lived together again. Lida also conveyed to Ilya that the idea of ​​marriage is a trigger to anxiety, and Ilya, with understanding, reacted to what is essential to his girlfriend.

Emergencies knock the ground out from under our feet. But if there is even a little strength left, we have a choice – how to live this experience and with what to get out of it.
Cheating is a chance to look at your life with a fresh perspective, to ask yourself: am I moving in the right direction? Is this the kind of relationship I dream of when I imagine love? How does it feel for me to be in this relationship and how does it feel to be without it? How would someone I respect act if I were in my place?

For someone, betrayal will personify the collapse of hopes and future life, and for someone – release from slipping. Cheating, despite the severity of the situation, can be the beginning of a new life. The life where, in addition to relationships with others, there are ourselves, separate, self-sufficient, independent and robust. And many people will be happy with such a partner.

As the Western proverb says, “If life gave you lemons, make lemonade out of them.” The new same can be said for those who have faced treason. Even if you cannot even think that everything that happens has positive sides, it may well happen in the future.

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